Quick back story.... 9 weeks ago a miscarriage at 15 weeks. Sucky! TO say the least. Now, the world, I think has expected me to move along and I'm just not feeling that. I couldn't feel more isolated. I wish I could scream at people sometimes that I'm not o.k, but as much as I try and try to build up the courage, I cant even get the words out.

Iv been thinking lately about this long lost blog.... maybe I could speak to the world wide web and be as silent as I am able at the same time.

So here I am.

Lets talk about isolated. Its a funny thing. I'm with people all day, on the phone, face to face, side by side. But now more then ever I feel like the only one who knows what is going on with me.... and even then, that's a stretch. Maybe its all in my head, confirming the looming feeling i'm going absolutely crazy. Or maybe its more than that. If i were to take a guess, Id say its society. Now, I know a lot of people spend a lot of time blaming society but that's not exactly what i'm getting at. I mean it in the way that our society isnt necessarily confortable with the idea of miscarrige, its sometime whispered but please don't say it out loud. Maybe is has something to do with the fact that this society that we live in will discount a life as a non life until the day of birth. And in my baby's case.... it didn't make it that far. Does this mean that it wasn't really there and I should really speak of it. hmm.

Turns out the word miscarrige isn't even in my spell checker. I guess iv made my point. That's just what i'm thinking today.